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雅思作文要求：
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1. 准确：用词选择，时间描述等，这是语言的基本要求，所需要磨册的基本功是对于议论文审题的准确把握，其实是个思维水平的问题，要求观察生活，理解生活！
2. 连贯，流畅，通顺：关联词，句，甚至关联段的应用（文连）和磨竖内容的连贯，呼应（意连）。
3. 新颖，生动，地道：主从句的应用（尤其是定语从句），经典句式的表达。
4. 精炼：非谓语动词，with的复合结构，独立主格结构，倒装，虚拟语气的应用。这一点最难能可贵，目前现行的雅思教材和培训很少涉及这一要求，以为文章长难句多，得分就高，其实文章的老练成熟主要就体现在言简意赅，微言大意之上！语言最大的特点是朴实自然，恰到好处，决不浪费笔墨！
我觉得你用词太生硬了吧，瞎游宏好像是硬拼在一起的。我觉得用词自然就好，不要总是找那些晦涩词儿。以下供参考，不妥之处自己在修改一下吧。
The specification of happiness differs with one's perspective. Some individuals just deem managing to help the people around who are in need as their lofty pleasure. By contrast, some others assert that minor affairs are not able to generate the happiness that one longs for pursuing while business success, academic prestige, or political reputation may probably be regarded as their biggest passion in life.
but for me,there are only 3things come into my mind.Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.Someone said that the ideal life is to live in an English country home, engage a Chinese cook, marry a
Japanese wife, and take a French mistress..Most of the happiness in this world consists of possessing what others can’t get.
Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product.so,if ur aim is to be a happy person like me ,i think u just need to do the two steps.
Happiness is good health plus a bad memory.Everyday is a gift.I feel happy. I have only two hands, but I have two pairs of gloves.How beautifully everything is arranged by Nature; as soon as a child enters the world,it finds a mother
ready to take care of it.I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes --- until I met a man who had no feet.To sum it up,u have to optimistic.
but it's not enough,you guys have to enjoy the life.Yse. Don’t postpone joy.No man is a failure who is enjoying life.Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal.The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.We should hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. The worst result is that we can’t get out of the
world alive.
If you get my point,your life will find is not hard to get a happy and easy life.
1 were exerted influence on 模板吗？语法不对啊！
2 the cause of the youth has a passive attitude when they leave campus are mainifold 这明显意思不一致啊。
3 it is generally that 谁教的？
4 To illustrate, over the past ten years, due to the requirement for accounting is proliferated, an increasing number of students start to learn accounting no matter whether they love it. 结果呢？怎么没有下文了呢？
5 Obviously, it exerts a negative influence on the quality of education. 类似模板型的句子，一点都不实在？真的是显而易见的吗？这样的句子，放到弯团哪里都能说，不具有充分的论述性。
6 Given the severity shortage above, we have no opinion but to take stringent measures to address this problem 这是地道的模板！与你真正的语言能力不符合，所以考官会不喜欢。
7 下面的就不看了，文章模板风格很重，很多百度里批作文的同学，滚咐模板风格都很重，是别人教的，还是自己学的呢？（期待你告诉我）。总之，作文是一种想法的表达，不是模板，词汇，埋备橘句式的堆砌。而且你的作文论述性不强，即对于观点的解释性不强，不令人信服。你可能觉得很好，但就是走的模式化思路，没有意思。真的没有意思。
8 最多5.5， 跟楼上一样，上不了6！
我成你御用的了。。。。
第一段笔误吧？in four 吧？
youth当青少年讲的时候是名词，可数，用复数把，youths。
in both Australia as well as the UK.both 和as well as 是一个意旅兆思哈，把both去了，或者把as well as 换成and。
there are more than 30 percent of children’s pocket money goes for that. going for。你这句又动词are了，后面就不能在用动庆乱词的一般现在时，只能用ing或者ved做壮语（不是状语别喷我啊，初高中已经离我很远了。有点小忘记。。）。。。
Besides,food, as a basic element in daily life, following by toys as a second one that young generations are willing to purchase.这句没谓语呢，亲。。。。你想说food 结果重心又跑到toy上去了。。。。。
money不可数，谓语用单数哈。。。
consume。consuming
which前面又逗号，属于非限制性定语从句，它用于修饰逗号前的句子，你第二段最后的那个定于从句想说啥子呀，我有点没看懂。
a large consume essential area。你想修饰area，用了1个adj＋1个动词＋再加1个adj，好混乱呀。。。。
不要aspect，有点多余啦。誉镇档
收工。。。。。
【雅思作文批改判厅】5分：过于口语化，注意语法 政府应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间。
作早碰文题目:大作文：陆冲谈剑11Test1大作文
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
作文内容：
Traffic problem has disturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solve that, [b2] there are still some problems remained,m[b3] any people say that government should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4]totally agree with this opinion.
Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has larger capacity to load [b6] goods or people,and it is also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of rail is that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9]and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12]peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough tickets for those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So more basic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number of people and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.
On the contrast,road ,as another way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to the increasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In order to figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19]in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]
Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that more money should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.
[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句，Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁？
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁？
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句，大写
[b17]？
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词。需要系统学习语法。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路，考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了。
附批改原图：
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